Solving My First World Problems, One Day At A Time

Making my great life better..

The First Month February 15, 2013

Filed under: Diabeetus and Metabloism — SideShowShannon @ 11:15 AM
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I went into my weigh-in this morning feeling apprehensive, but I kept telling myself everything that I accomplished.

My blood sugar is nearly stabilized, and I am incredibly strong. and I am willingly running farther than I have since I was a teenager.

After shedding shoes and as much clothing as I could without being naked it’s revealed that I have lost 2 pounds in a month. I can’t begin to describe how disappointed I am. Disappointed in my progress, disappointed in my body for not thriving as I expected.

I tried to tell myself that I weigh heavier than I look, and to ignore the numbers, just focus on the measurements. Then I was hit with a ton of bricks. Some places I have actually gotten larger, and others there was no change at all..  I kept track of my runs for the past ten days and I have logged in just under 30 miles. I had a shoulder injury that kept me from lifting weights since Monday,but I still work out. As for eating, that’s great, I have my blood sugar levels to show for that.

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HOW did this happen? Am I having a nightmare? I am doing everything right, yet nothing happened the way I planned. I gave up wine, melted butter and sleeping in  for this?

Unsure of how I could even let people know that despite my six, sometimes seven-day workout weeks know of my failure (yes, I see this as a personal failure and there is nothing anyone can do to change that), I locked myself in my office and ugly cried for about 20 minutes. I contemplated having a ‘roided out tantrum like I have seen on after school specials where I rip everything that’s on walls off of the walls, and throw everything from my desk into the walls. I thought about punching holes into my door, but my freakishly small hands wouldn’t do much damage. I could have easily blamed it on a child.

This is probably where people say, screw it. If my body won’t accept the changes that I’m trying to make, then why change? Why wake up so early, exert myself before I even go to work, then stare longingly at unopened bottles of wine in our wine rack after a long day? Why even try to better myself if I get no immediate results? Why am I abstaining from so much to get so little in return? I can’t even hold my baby with my left arm because of my shoulder, but I’m still going through it. WHY?

Two measly pounds. My husband can lose that after a 15 minute bathroom session.

I can’t even begin to understand why I am fitting smaller clothes. How is it even possible that my wedding rings are sliding around and my pants are baggy if there is no significant change?

My body’s betrayal has made me question everything. Are people blowing smoke when they tell me that I look great, did I just imagine that I was changing this whole time? I feel like every compliment that I received was not only undeserved, but fabricated.

Everything but actually quitting.  While I am still toying with the idea of destroying everything I can reach, I don’t want to stop waking up early to run and train. I don’t even like taking days off. I love what I’m doing, and it’s really all that I have to myself anymore. I need it. I just want my progress noticeable, because I am working as hard as I say I am. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m lying or cheating on my workouts and eating habits. I know that reclaiming my health and body isn’t easy, and obviously an hour and a half a day isn’t enough.

I am going to consider this past month my warmup. I’m prepping for something bigger and better.  This month is where I really focus on what I want to get better, with more specific routines to target each area. The good thing is that I know what doesn’t work for me.

Is there anyone else out there that is getting slow results? I’m really not interested in discussing what I’m doing wrong or right, I just want to know that I’m not alone.

I feel a little better, slightly less defeated, but I still want to have a steroid tantrum.


10 Responses to “The First Month”

  1. katy winbray Says:

    As long as you feel good and are enjoying your new life then you are winning. You are seeing results, right? Forget about the numbers. Your clothes are fitting better and your sugar is stabilized- those are the ultimate goals. Not numbers on a scale.

  2. MrsMcGill Says:

    You feel good your blood sugar is under control, you have more energy. and your clothes and wedding rings gettling loose. If that progress to which you can see, and recognize. Dont get stuck on the numbers you see and feel the difference. that too will change…….. Keep it up. I am so proud of you! You can do it sideshowshannon. You got my support☺ God Bless

  3. Jenny Meier Says:

    Are you lifting weights in your workout? I know this sounds obvious, but you probably lost quite a bit of fat and replaced the numbers on the scale with muscle. I find that the way my clothes fit, my body fat percentage and measurements are a much better indicator of how my body is changing with diet and exercise than the number on the scale. (Even so, that number can definitely feel defeating.)

  4. Dana Crenshaw Says:

    Look up on the Internet the space a lb of muscle takes up compared to a pound of fat….then you will realize how your clothes are fitting better…. You are gaining muscle… Which in the coming months will work in your favor. Muscles burn more calories than fat!! Don’t give up!

  5. Amanda Craig Says:

    I did crazy insane intense training before my wedding for three months. It was three months of not being able to move because I was so sore, eating perfectly, and drinking only water and maybe black or green tea here and there. You know what I lost? 5 pounds. THAT’S IT. Every time I got on the scale I was pissed. For the three months I didn’t give up because I was scared that if I did, I would blow up and not fit into my wedding dress but after the wedding? I saw that as an opportunity to be lazy and give up because I wasn’t seeing results anyways, so I did. I walked away and I completely regret it. I am finally going back 2-3 times per week and getting back into a semi normal workout routine but I feel like crap and I know that if I had just pushed through the feeling of being defeated, I would feel fantastic right now. I might still look the same, but I would FEEL fantastic. And that’s what it’s all about! If I don’t feel like a blob everytime I go out, I won’t carry myself like a blob which means others won’t see me that way either. Anyways!! All that is to say I COMPLETELY understand where you’re at and what you’re feeling! Hang in there and don’t let what you are feeling right now determine your choices tomorrow and in the future!

  6. I have the opposite problem. I weigh about 165 and I’m trying to get back up to 180-200, because I’m of the tall, dark, and gangling persuasion. If it’s any consolation, I’ve been working out like crazy this month, and made tons of progress in terms of my max lifts…and I have lost almost five pounds. I have to remind myself that getting stronger is progress, even if I still look like a rail. Some months we meet our goals, some we don’t. It’s about continuing until we do. Besides, you’re probably converting fat to muscle, so you get thinner, without actually weighing much less–you’re healthier, which is really the point of it all. Bonus: More muscle = more fat burning for each workout! Every ounce of muscle you gain is eating up more fat when your exercise, so you’re in a better place to lose weight then you were at the beginning of the month!

    • You boys have it easy! I would love to have the problem of not gaining weight.. But, I am definitely feeling much better, and it helps when I’ve got a scientist telling me that I’m doing okay! Thanks for stopping by : )

  7. lacy longacre Says:

    I always notice when I work out consistently that it’s not just my size that changes, but more so the ‘content.’ My arms may be the same diameter, but they’re more muscular and toned, instead of flabby. My skin is tighter. I don’t believe for a second anyone fabricated compliments to you! When I exercise regularly, I think it has a deeper effect on my overall appearance. My face has more color in it, my eyes are more alert, my posture is better, and (I think) I look more vigorous and strong. That has just as much to do with appearance as size does. Keep it up Shannon! PS, you make me laugh.

    • I love how you describe the improvements in your overall appearance, I really need to appreciate all of these changes! I’ve always thought you looked great! Thank you so much for reading, I’m glad you’re enjoying it!

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