Solving My First World Problems, One Day At A Time

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Mommy Issues May 12, 2013

Filed under: My LIfe — SideShowShannon @ 10:36 AM
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Along with a large population of people my age, I’ve spent a lifetime sifting through my mommy and daddy issues.

Through this, I have come to realize that I have gotten a lot of amazing qualities from my parents.

I have daddy’s ability to quietly watch and access situations.

I have mama’s ability to announce what I’ve noticed without worrying about what happens after I’ve said it. It get’s me into trouble from time to time, but I like to think that it’s more of an act of bravery to say what you’re thinking. Foolish bravery, but bravery nonetheless. Thank God that as I become older, my delivery is much more appropriate and colorful.

Mama with her firstborn, and me with mine.

Mama with her firstborn, and me with mine.

I have both my parent’s sense of humor. They are hilarious.

I have mama’s silver tongue. We spent years on our polyester-ish sofa that my parents brought back from Germany laughing at Eddie Murphy or Robert Townsend. We did a lot of things together, and laughing was a daily occurrence in the McGill house. Weekends that we weren’t busy with sports, we all sat in our den watching movies and television shows on Fox that may have been deemed inappropriate for children our age, laughing our asses off.

I had cool parents. They weren’t the ‘cool’ parents that let you have boy-girl sleepovers or get drunk “as long as we don’t drive” they were cool because they listened to cool music. They had cool interests, and they did cool things together. They had hobbies that fit their personalities and unique talents.

My dad used to bring home to my mother sketchbooks from his job. I remember her always getting excited, and would go to work almost immediately. I don’t ever recall seeing her draw, but she always let me see the sketchbooks after she was done.  She drew things that she was passionate about, and each sketch depicted such personal, sometimes haunting stories that I can to this day see in my mind. I was probably a teenager the last time I saw those sketchbooks, but I’ll never forget the one depicting abuse. I was probably seven or eight when I first saw it, and was always drawn to it. I studied it, studied the shading that she eventually taught me to do on my own.

I wanted to draw as well as she did. To me, everything she drew had life. It could have been just a single object, but I was always inspired to give it a story, a purpose.  My parents bought us all sketchbooks and paints, so I set to work. I couldn’t draw hands or noses, and grew frustrated. I decided I would rather describe them instead.  My sketchbook was full of crude drawings with written stories surrounding them. I didn’t realize until now that my mama was in part responsible for my love of writing. I wanted so much to be like her that when I couldn’t exactly mimic her powerful drawings, I chose to dictate what her sketchbooks made me see instead.

Thank you, Mama.

In seeking the best in you as a child, I was able to bring out the best in me.

I can only hope that in the years to come Blake can find out what’s best in him through his favorite things in all of us.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama.

I love you.

 

I wasn’t always this lame.. February 10, 2013


we found out that Blake was a boy, my dreams of ruffles and ostentatious bows came to a screeching halt. The tea parties that I had planned  were now cancelled, as well as the dream of finally owning every Barbie accessory, car, and house.  I got over everything rather quickly, and began preparing the life of a future mama’s boy.

Instead of bows and ruffles, I bought clothes that would make him look like a tiny man, and onesies with the most inappropriate artwork to express my personality and interests. I opted out of Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh clothes. He came home from the hospital in a Cobra Kai onesie.

Sweep the leg!

Sweep the leg!

I also purchased Wu Tang Clan and ODB onesies. I’m sure people thought I was crazy, but when he is a teenage boy keeping secrets from his lame mother who monitors his internet activity and comes across some pictures, I want him to know the kind of person I was.

I’ll tell him about the day I posted him in this adorable outfit on Twitter and it was immediately retweeted by Ghostface Killah, who called him a Wu Poster Baby. It was seriously one of the best Fridays ever.

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I’m going to have to make a lot of changes, not only in my lifestyle but demeanor. I baby talk to him like crazy. I immerse myself into being a mama that I worry that the old Shannon that I know and love won’t emerge when the time is right. It’s bad enough that I wake up after drinking four beers and proclaim that I never want to drink again. That was a warm-up for me back in my old days. I like the person that I’ve become, but I never want to forget who I was.

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I knew before he came that I was about to say goodbye to a lot of habits and mannerisms. At some point in the future, I should be a respectable, strong and confident woman who set an example for him. I want him to always trust that he can come to me for anything, no matter what it is. I want him to know that despite the woman that he sees today, I was much different before he came.

I want him to know that most of my life I have only truly been able to express myself through words, sometimes rambling, long-winded essays that eventually got to the point. When he is an angry teenager thinking about how lame I am, I also want him to know these things:

  • I used to use a lot of profanity. I probably still use it when you aren’t around, and you probably won’t hear me say anything inappropriate until you are old enough to drink with us. 
  • When I’m fifty I may not listen to anything with large amounts of profanity anymore, I may even get uncomfortable when I hear it in front of you, but at one time in my life, I was yelling loudly, “Wu Tang Clan ain’t nuttin to f  with”.
  • I have a vast t-shirt collection that your father forbids me to wear.
  • I was very strong and athletic. If you don’t believe me, I have a state championship ring that I can show you, as well as a number of trophies and medals.
  • I was the girl who never apologized for being myself, and I never will.
  • I have a career and a life that I love. I have your father to thank for that.
  •  Before you, I fearlessly wandered about in a darkened haze before I met your father.I finally felt real fear around the same time that I felt real love, and through him, I chose love instead.
  • I have seen a lot in my life, so I won’t judge you for whatever it is that you do. But I will punish you accordingly.

I also hope that if he ever gets anything from seeing the two of us interact is that our love and respect for each other deepens each day because he is with us. He is the biggest blessing in our life, and the glue that will forever hold our family together.

 

 
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